So, I made it through my first day as a Graduate Student. It went well and was a little strange. It started off well enough. I got to school an hour before my class and was able to find a parking space near my building! Score! Then I ran over to get my parking permit and some lunch at the Union. Then I headed to class. I made it about 5 minutes early but the room was already pretty full. I found a seat by the door and talked to the girl next to me. She is a Econ PhD from Iran. I was happy to meet another person from my program. This first semester all the AgEcon and Econ PhD and Master students take the same classes. So it was nice to find a fellow Econ PhD. It was strange though because she didn't have her books yet. I ended up showing her where the bookstore was. A lot of the student didn't have their books yet. Which surprised me, since this is a graduate program. Maybe it is a first year thing.
It seems like most of my Math Econ class is in my Stats class in the afternoon also. And many of the Econ students are in my Micro Econ class tomorrow. So I am meeting people that I will be around for the next few years. I also meet a AgEcon PhD that transferred from NC State. What a small world. We chatted on the break about our time in NC. Since she is a PhD as well, we will have the same classes for the next two years as both programs have the same set of preliminary exams.
It was strange to be around so many foreign students, since that is not something I'm used to. So many different languages around me. And most of the students live on campus. Most were surprised that I have a house off campus and have two kids. One girl, a 2nd year in my program, asked if I would take her to Ft Riley. I told her sure, but there wasn't much there. So, all in all, a pretty good day. Can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Dealing with "The Voices"
So I made it through my second class. It was hard and a lot of work. I learned a lot and enjoyed the material covered. But it was a struggle, mainly with my inner demons. You know, "The Voices" inside my head. The ones that fill me with self doubt and fear. They have been there all my life, my constant companions. I can quiet them, but they never really go away. They always come back when its quiet.
When I met with my advisor here a K State back in April it did not go at all how I thought it would. He was polite enough. Explaining everything about the program and its rigorous demands. Nothing too surprising for me. Until he started to talk about my background and his concerns. At first I wasn't sure what he meant. I was, after all, a bit of a Rock Star in my time at Augusta State. Two time PBL national finalist, once in Econ and the other in Finance. I was the Wall Street Journal Student of the Year. I have the paper weight to prove it. When I came back for my MBA they practically threw a party they were so happy. Didn't he know this?
He mentioned my weak background in Economics. Since ASU did not have an Econ major, only a minor, I did not have all the classes some other students did. But since it wasn't required and I was talking the classes I needed over the summer I did not understand his concern. He began to talk about the math background needed. I have taken Calc I & II to ensure I could apply to any Econ program, on top of the Applied Calculus I took in my business undergrad. Applied Calc is all that is required for this program. I took Stats in undergrad and two additional stats classes while I was in B school. I listed all this out for my advisor. He nodded and what he said next surprised me. He said that was awhile ago. I laughed and asked if Calculus and Stats had changed in the last decade. He didn't seem amused. But I heard him loud and clear. I was old.
Without realizing it, I let those words become the voices in my head. Maybe I couldn't do this. Maybe this would be more than I could handle. Maybe I am too old. I began to doubt myself.
This voices got loader during my Micro class in July. It was difficult with a lot of math. My professor went fast and was hard to follow sometimes. I tried to ask questions, but one day he cut me off and was short. So I was afraid to ask more questions. On the third test I hit a question that covered a topic we covered but the equation was not formatted anyway we had done it before. And I froze. I couldn't do it. I skipped it and went on. But the voices went off like a bomb in my head. I ended up messing up on an easy problem. I went back and eventually answered the question I skipped. But the damage was done. Though I did not do terrible on the test. I was not happy with my performance. But I had no one to blame but myself.
So I continue to work on quieting the voices. I've gone back to practicing meditation to help relax me. On my last test I had a similar situation but was able calm myself and work through the problem instead of dwelling on it. Proving to myself that some times the only thing stopping me is me.
I did manage an A in Micro, making for a perfect summer. I have spent all of August studying Calculus, again. I got my books early and have been reviewing them as well. I had orientation for the Graduate School today. Starting to get the lay of the land. Fall semester starts on Monday and then the real fun begins.
When I met with my advisor here a K State back in April it did not go at all how I thought it would. He was polite enough. Explaining everything about the program and its rigorous demands. Nothing too surprising for me. Until he started to talk about my background and his concerns. At first I wasn't sure what he meant. I was, after all, a bit of a Rock Star in my time at Augusta State. Two time PBL national finalist, once in Econ and the other in Finance. I was the Wall Street Journal Student of the Year. I have the paper weight to prove it. When I came back for my MBA they practically threw a party they were so happy. Didn't he know this?
He mentioned my weak background in Economics. Since ASU did not have an Econ major, only a minor, I did not have all the classes some other students did. But since it wasn't required and I was talking the classes I needed over the summer I did not understand his concern. He began to talk about the math background needed. I have taken Calc I & II to ensure I could apply to any Econ program, on top of the Applied Calculus I took in my business undergrad. Applied Calc is all that is required for this program. I took Stats in undergrad and two additional stats classes while I was in B school. I listed all this out for my advisor. He nodded and what he said next surprised me. He said that was awhile ago. I laughed and asked if Calculus and Stats had changed in the last decade. He didn't seem amused. But I heard him loud and clear. I was old.
Without realizing it, I let those words become the voices in my head. Maybe I couldn't do this. Maybe this would be more than I could handle. Maybe I am too old. I began to doubt myself.
This voices got loader during my Micro class in July. It was difficult with a lot of math. My professor went fast and was hard to follow sometimes. I tried to ask questions, but one day he cut me off and was short. So I was afraid to ask more questions. On the third test I hit a question that covered a topic we covered but the equation was not formatted anyway we had done it before. And I froze. I couldn't do it. I skipped it and went on. But the voices went off like a bomb in my head. I ended up messing up on an easy problem. I went back and eventually answered the question I skipped. But the damage was done. Though I did not do terrible on the test. I was not happy with my performance. But I had no one to blame but myself.
So I continue to work on quieting the voices. I've gone back to practicing meditation to help relax me. On my last test I had a similar situation but was able calm myself and work through the problem instead of dwelling on it. Proving to myself that some times the only thing stopping me is me.
I did manage an A in Micro, making for a perfect summer. I have spent all of August studying Calculus, again. I got my books early and have been reviewing them as well. I had orientation for the Graduate School today. Starting to get the lay of the land. Fall semester starts on Monday and then the real fun begins.
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